Why Choose Self Compassion?

I am writing this blog post to persuade everyone to take on self compassion and why it beats self esteem in the long run. I have just read self compassion by Kristen Neff and it's basically about why Self Compassion is the way forward and how it can help you forgive past mistakes and nurture you through your struggles.

I as most of us are extremely self critical of ourselves and instantly put ourselves down the moment we make a mistake or hurt others without realising we are only human with flaws. Life is full of struggles whether they are big or small and we need to be able to nurture ourselves and be there for ourselves just like a compassionate friend would be. We need that compassion, gentleness and understanding for ourselves to prevent depression, anxiety and other types of mental illnesses. By being able to forgive ourselves and relate to the fact we will make mistakes and life is hard for everyone not just us then this gives us the ability to be able to deal with our stress in a calmer, logical way.

Being kind to others has always been such an important motto in my life and i always strive to be kinder to others but i have never thought how being kind to myself could actually be life changing and just as if not more important. By being kind and compassionate to others i know all the right things to say when i'm stressed or going through a difficult time and i never realised how much saying those things to myself would help me. For example say i am feeling really down about my appearance i would say 'you look fine as you are dear, please don't feel the need to change' or 'everyone feels insecure about their appearance and body image, you've just got to learn to accept yourself as you are because it is enough'. By frequently repeating these things to myself when i feel this way i feel content, safe, calmer and just a lot less shit than if i said things like 'ew you do look disgusting.' 'you're so spotty and your hair is too plain.' which i would never say to myself now i have read Neff's book about self compassion.

To think so many people speak to themselves in such a self critical way really upsets me because it means they can't see what they are good at and just what a good person they are. It is scientifically proven that as humans we concentrate and are affected more by the negative rather than the positive and it's not something we can help it's just how our brains work. Our brains work this way so that we don't endanger ourselves and to keep us safe and protected however we are not in the caveman times now and we don't need to protect ourselves as much as we think we do. This does not mean we have to just accept that negativity is going to be the main component we can help ourselves by giving ourselves kindness and compassion to our natural thoughts and reassure ourselves everything is going to be okay in a calm, gentle manner. By talking to ourselves in such a way can instantly reduce how anxious we feel about a situation and realise we don't always need other people to make ourselves feel better because relying on others is not the best way to stay happy and in control of our emotions.

A huge part of self compassion that has helped me is remembering to be in the present moment and not let my thoughts or emotions affect me for too long. By practising mindfulness and with this i remind myself of all the things i am grateful for, things as small as the way my cat purrs to me or the smell of my bedroom after lighting candles. By being creative with it helps me to come up with other things i'm grateful for and to always stay grateful and be in the present moment to come up with other great things to be thankful of. By working our minds in this stops us focusing on the negatives and realise how good we have it. It's a simple but affective way of being happier and staying positive. Obviously its impossible to stay positive all the time so when difficult times come up where we feel we can't escape from that moment or emotion we nurture ourselves with compassion through that hard time by reassuring ourselves and talking to ourselves like a close friend would in that situation. We realise in a mindful way how the emotions are affecting us physically as well as mentally and just nurture the places that feel tense, in pain etc.

Self compassion doesn't mean we have to stay positive all the time it's about realising how we are feeling in a mindful way, giving compassion to ourselves, realise how we are all connected as humans and always being kind to ourselves no matter what.

You might be wondering how this will motivate you more than being critical. I find that when i talk down to myself about an uncomfortable task i haven't done yet or for being lazy this kind of attitude only discourages me more to do something about it because now i feel upset and angry with myself. I have only took on self compassion for a few weeks and i am doing more than i have done before i started it e.g. eating healthier, writing blog posts again, reading more, doing more things socially out of my comfort zone, get back into meditation and just generally keeping busier. Plus being critical about things we fail at will only prevent us from trying again and being optimistic at that point. This is basically bullying when we put ourselves down for failing and is a massive part of developing a mental illness because it isolates us and makes us think we are not good enough or deserves forgiveness. I wouldn't wish i worst enemy that kind of mental torture because it is torture and we shouldn't put ourselves through that. Life is hard enough without us judging, being negative to ourselves.

If i ask you to take anything from this then it's to stop beating yourself up especially over silly things that in the big picture don't matter. We are all good enough as we are and shouldn't feel a need to improve or change all we can do is grow as people and work on things we are already good at. We all fail many times as humans, failure is part of the human condition it's how we cope with those hiccups is what counts the most.

The Truth About Diets

As a young female it's hard not to feel personally victimised no matter what size you are at that point to be ultra slim and 'beach body ready'. Constantly told what we should and shouldn't be eating and when and how much of it. It's as if our freedom to eat what we like when we like has been totally snatched out of our hands and dieting should be a way of life no matter how miserable it makes us. That if we so much as sniff a chocolate bar we are the unhealthy ones who are in the wrong.

For someone who is pretty slim and looking at it now should never really even consider going on a diet I own up to trying out diets even though no matter how unsuccessful the last one went i would still find motivation to seek out another way. I didn't realise that if the ones I've already tried have been very short lived and it would be a miracle for them to last more than two days then why would another diet depriving me from some kind of nutrition be any more successful? I really didn't see how it would last in the long run and depriving me of all treats i love only made me miserable and grumpy which only makes it more unnecessary. I never really came to the realisation that none of these 'diets' is really going to be a lifestyle and a way of living because i was constantly feeling malnurited, dizzy and had a lack of energy. Is all of that really worth being skinny for? No, not on any sort of level. Life is for living, making friendships, accomplishing goals and taking in new experiences not for obsessing over our body size to fit into society. Life is so much more than what we look like or how much we weigh and we should all appreciate that.

It is also proven that diets do not work in any circumstances in fact in the long run they make you put on weight because your body is feeding itself because it doesn't know the next time it will be fed due to the yoyo dieting. Diets all end in the same cycle go on a diet, feel deprived which leads to binge eating and the cycle goes on again and again. You have to think about the long run and what will be best for your health in the long run. Forget about diets and having the 'perfect' body think about your health, strength and ability to complete tasks. Think about what is actually going into your body not about how many calories it contains. So as well as making you feel miserable diets are proven to actually make you gain weight by having such an unhealthy relationship with food. You will find that the more you focus on diets and what you are eating you end up becoming obsessed with food which can only end one way and that is one massive binge on foods that really aren't good for you.

Diets can also end in a much more dangerous situation and that is an eating disorder whether that is anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder etc. The best way to avoid any of this is just to eat in a satisfying way which means no restriction, no cutting out any groups of food, if you want a chocolate bar then eat that dam chocolate bar it isn't going to kill you. Do not ever feel the need to diet, yes choose healthier alternatives and eat a balanced diet but no not starve yourself or restrict foods you love.

Restricting what I ate led me to binge eat and it started happening so frequently that i binge ate and still do out of habit, nothing has to cause it but it just happens. I feel an urge to eat anything bad and sugary and at that moment it does feel good because it's an addiction, sugar is addictive. But in the long run it gets me down that i still haven't got the control i want i can have a good day of eating lots and still feel an urge to binge eat because it has now come as a habit and i'm so used to having that urge. But the guilt i feel afterwards is so not worth it but i only realise that until it's too late which stresses me even more. I wouldn't wish that relationship on food to my worst enemy and to think it could've all been stopped if i didn't get allured into dieting in the first place.

Everyone but especially young females are victims of a society that pressures us into being what society would deem as being attractive or admirable and it's hard to go against this however nothing is worth more than your own happiness. If that means being bigger or looking different to what society would expect then so be it. Happiness, chocolate, all things indulgent are worth a lot more than restriction. I am not saying get fat but what i am saying is eat what you want and have a healthy relationship with food. It's something we all should think about but the one most important point i want you to take from this post is don't diet or restrict yourself in the first place. There are so many other pleasures of life we can indulge in, not just food.

Binge Eating

For the past couple of years i have found myself seeking sugary foods and literally anything bad for me for comfort and stress relief. I am constantly battling the urge to eat cakes, chocolate, crisps etc when i'm stressed, upset or angry even though i know i will feel incredibly shit about myself afterwards but at the time of eating these goods my endorphins kick in and i can feel that sugar rush relieving me from the stress. This only lasts as long as i'm eating. By binging out on sugary treats no matter how much i eat i will still be craving more and getting greedier considering how stressed i am. Sugar gives you that initial high that is dangerously addictive and leans to many others binge eating or over indulging after only promising themselves they would only have one or two biscuits and end up eating the entire packet in one sitting. I'm sure this is a common thing and why many of us have such a sweet tooth.

This is called mindless eating because i do not take the time to enjoy these treats which i must emphasis should be eaten in moderation not all at once. This causes the mind to think i haven't actually eaten and the brain takes longer to realise you have eaten something because i'm eating so quickly and not letting my body digest it properly before moving onto something else just as unhealthy. No matter how shit i feel after succumbing to my urges of sugar i will always end up in the same situation when I am feeling particularly stressed or seeking out comfort.Sometimes there isn't even a reason for my over indulging just the simple fact i love sweet treats and there is something eyeing me up in the cupboard.

I have gained weight in the last year or so due to relying on food to feel happy and content. I know there are a lot more dangerous relationships we can have with food however this is what i know about and that's why i want to write about it, for my own benefit as well as some of you. By gaining this weight it was made me more aware of what i am eating but this does not stop me caving in when things get a little tough and i feel i can't take much more stress or pressures of life. Being concious of what i'm eating if anything has made me worse because i'm constantly thinking about food and the more i try and restrict myself from caving in the more obsessed i get with calories and sugary treats.

It all starts when i enter the kitchen and am surrounded by foods that are screaming my name to eat them all, foods filled with sugar but my main problem is milk chocolate. If i know there is chocolate in the house it will always be in the back of my mind because i am incredibly addicted to chocolate and this probably is the reason we never have milk chocolate of any kind in our house because i only end up managing to stay away from it a day or two before having to eat it. I remember one easter managing to stay away from a decent size Oreo easter egg before getting a real urge to eat the whole thing in one. I did eat it all and felt so fill it generally hurt to move and thought to myself was it really worth it? Why couldn't i have just eaten half of the egg and saved the rest? I have never felt so shit and for the rest of the day i felt moody, irritable and upset that temptation took over. I know it isn't anything as bad as some people's binge eating however it does get me down a lot knowing that when i get these urges i feel as if i lose total control over what i'm putting into my mouth especially when i try so hard to be healthy the majority of the time.

I think one thing that has stopped me putting on too much weight is exercising which controls my urges as well because it's another better more sufficient way of dealing with stress. Exercise brings out endorphins as well that help you feel good about yourself which always improves your health. By exercising i feel that it encourages me to be healthier because fruit has appealed a lot more to me since i have been exercising on a regular basis.

Other ways that help me when I get urges to react the junk food cupboard include eating fruit, nuts and yoghurt because fruit contains natural sugars to help with your sweet tooth plus yoghurt and nuts are very filling. I mainly get these urges just before i go to bed or at night time and i find it hard to sleep so i always think eating lots of sugar things before bed will keep me up and i will feel incredibly bloated and horrible when lying in bed. Plus i've heard eating something light before bed can help you sleep so if i get these urges i normally eat a banana before i go to bed. I also think to myself will i feel great the next day when i am still bloated because this food hasn't digested properly from the evening before and have to carry it around all day? I don't think i will ever grow out of this bad habit and it will always be in the back of my mind even if i don't act upon it when i'm stressed because sugar is addictive and is an addiction to many people. Some people would say it is worse than being addicted to alcohol or drugs because it gives off the same endorphins and is more accessible. It's about really getting to know your body and what benefits and what damages it because we need our bodies to be healthy to live. So why not pick the healthiest way possible? 

Porn - Good Or Bad?

With porn being incredibly easy to access for anyone at any age in just a variety of genres we have to question whether this is a good or bad thing. You don't have to be 18 to get hold of porn as it's so easy to fins on the interest without any restrictions. I don't believe the concept of porn is a bad thing because sex is a natural thing however i believe there are so many negative things within the porn industry and that is what i'm going to talk about in this blog post.

With such a high rating of teenager viewers on porn sites it is already evident that it's going to have a big influence on their future or already existing sex lives
 and how they view gender roles. This is why it's so important see how it affects people. With a lack of sex education in schools this could be the only 'sex education' and information they are going to get to do with sex. There are many aspects porn could affect in a negative way such as relationships, sex lives, the way teenagers view sex, how both genders view each other and so many other aspects.

With porn being a very unrealistic way in which sexual intercourse happens for example no communication beforehand to seek consent and talk about each others needs, sexual positions that are extremely uncomfortable and not realistic, no communication during sex only abuse that is glamourized and the female looking extremely uncomfortable and mute. This is extremely sexist, dominant, even abusive and could be seen as rape. Without any of the people taking part in sex in porn asking for consent or checking with their body language that they are comfortable with it this will bring a shocking amount of influence on how to approach sex to people so young.

Porn romanticises and glamorizes violence towards women e.g. gagging, whipping, strangling and hair pulling which only encourages guys who watch porn to rein act these actions on their other half assuming this is something they will enjoy. If you are a woman and into these types of things then fair enough however most of us are not so it's very insulting to assume we enjoy such horrible behaviour. It's extremely disrespectful and hurtful to the victim in this situation, sex should not involve violence in any way. If both people are not enjoying the experience then something isn't right because it shouldn't be that way.

Men will develop unrealistic expectations not just on how they think women should act in the bedroom but how they look physically. Women in porn are totally hairless showing no sign of body hair apart from eyebrows and hair, pubic hair is no where to be seen on women and men are often hairless on their chests and showing little body hair as well. This can make women especially with dark hair extremely insecure. It is impossible that a women naturally has no body hair as we are all human. Women in porn also show no sign of love handles, cellulite, roles of fat and are normally women with big breasts which are often implants and flat stomachs. Making men have higher expectations of women than is realistic.

Not only are their looks unrealistic but their behaviour as well, Men in porn are usually very dominating and controlling and sex is seen as something to satisfy men only by having the lady in positions that are uncomfortable and not stopping when the woman is evidentially in pain or shows no sign of pleasure or satisfaction. This is a seriously dangerous message to portray and emphasises and encourages the use of victim blaming within rape and glamorising it as porn,

I believe porn is not something we should aspire to within our own sex lives, no contact such as touching, kissing, foreplay or genuine chemistry is used within porn, you are simply just shown what sex is like after all the foreplay etc however foreplay is extremely important and some would even say the best part of sex so why should it be totally dismissed in our own sex lives. Having an emotional connection to your sexual partner makes it a lot easier and enjoyable plus you'll feel more comfortable saying no when you aren't ready or in the mood. Sex in itself isn't always the main pleasure but being with someone you know is worth it. Porn does not portray any connection at all and in my opinion makes it awkward and not enjoyable to watch.

I am not saying every single thing about porn is bad and you should never watch it however acts within sex and their attitude towards it in porn should not be demonstrated within your own sex life. Yes it could be great to spice up things in the bedroom but if your partner isn't keen then you should find something else that you both agree on. There isn't anything bad with watching porn as long as you know this is incredibly glamorized and staged that you shouldn't let it influence your own sex life at all.

Sexism In Schools

When you're a young teenager you are more likely to be influenced by the people around you and what is deemed as the norm within behaviour, attitude and society. So it comes as no surprise that there is a significant amount of sexism within schools today. Being in the 21st century you would've thought sexism would have cut down dramatically to how it used to be but the sad truth is that it hasn't. Sexism at schools doesn't just come from the students amongst each other but by teachers, the government and people that should know a lot better. Some of this sexism isn't intentional however it could be stopped or paid more attention to.Instead of tackling the idea of sexism and educating students that women are equal to men and are not put on this earth to satisfy men rather than promoting sexism and making it incredibly evident in schools today.

There is one experience i know of that stands out for me, someone close to me who is female wanted to take electronics as part of her GCSE's she was brilliant at it and was passionate and eager to take it as one of her choices. Her parents supported her decision however when it came to parents evening and letting her tutor know this who was male he was very negative and against the idea of her taking this subject just because she was female. As her tutor he could see she got the best marks in this subject and that her passion was obvious when it came to this subject. I think it's incredibly sad and hurtful that people at such a young age are told what they can and can't do just because they've got different genitals and people are so narrow minded they can't see past gender roles. When it comes down to talent and abilities gender, disability, race should be put last because it's someone's passion and attitude that should matter.

Dividing gender in such a dramatic way can change the way guys and girls view each other in a negative way by making it harder for them to be seen as equals. Mixing genders in all subjects from dance, gymnastics, electronics, woodwork, food technology, textiles and all types of subjects this is a good way to decrease sexism in schools. This also tackles gender roles and both genders being embarrassed by their ambition just because they aren't seen as normal by society.

Teenage girls at high school are often sexualized by being told skirts that are anywhere above the knee is a 'distraction' and shouldn't be allowed. This immediately tells teenage guys that it is okay and even normal to see women and girls at such a young age as sexual objects not people with emotions and feelings. This has a lot to do with the rape culture of today, victim blaming is already evident and shockingly common and where we hear sayings such as 'what was she wearing' or 'she gave the wrong impression'. They do not focus on the behaviour of the guys that are looking at girls in such a disrespectful manner and protecting and supporting girls who have had to put up with such behaviour on a regular basis.

At school we are not informed about this type of behaviour which is sexual harassment and leans us to think it is normal and acceptable to go through this type of behaviour as a female. By not talking about it at school it leads to worse situations when they could be massively prevented if we talk about it more with young people and encourage young girls and boys to tell someone if they feel uncomfortable with the way someone is behaving towards you or randomly touching you in an unpleasant way. It could be as simple as calling you 'sexy' or 'babe'. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is not acceptable in any given situation. It doesn't matter if they're your partner or someone you fancy you should always say if you don't like it.

Schools supporting sexist ideas such as  men are generally more successful than women effortlessly whilst women have to work harder yet get more stick and negativity when trying to be as successful and women are only put here to produce babies and satisfy men's needs, This will only encourage domestic abuse, sexual assault, homophobia, gender discrimination, verbal abuse, rape and sexual harassment. These crimes are already taken place on a daily basis and desperately needs to be discouraged and taken as seriously as other crimes such as murder.

It's not just women who have to face the struggles of sexism in our society today but men face some of the struggles as well. With men being seen as powerful, masculine, emotionless, strong if they do not fit these standards their sexuality is instantly questioned which leads them to being called horrible names such as 'faggot' 'sissy' 'weak' 'puff'' etc. Men may feel they can't express their emotions especially to someone they fancy as they want to be seen as strong and respected. By constant victim blaming in our society it is suggesting that men have no self control over their sexual desires.

If someone informed me of all the information i know now not from the education system but from tumblr, youtube videos and other forms of social media i would've felt more confident knowing what was  quite frankly incredibly unacceptable and disrespectful. If you are at school i hope this information helps you within the school environment.

Keeping Busy, The Art Of Happiness

Being an introvert I often need time alone with nothing but my own thoughts however this does not mean I don't like keeping busy to keep my mind off things. If I could spend all my time in my head with my thoughts then I would but this is very unhealthy and leads me to feel negative and low due to over thinking and over analysing things that the majority of people would simply dismiss. This is why i think it is especially important for me to keep busy and out of my head with breaks where i can be alone when I need to. These breaks shouldn't be exceptionally long because I get into a tough circle of once I'm alone in my thoughts the longer I am there the harder it is to get out of my head and focus on the present.

As humans we are naturally happier when we are busy whether that is at work, socialising, taking part in hobbies such as reading, sport, cooking, writing or anything you like. It helps you focus your mind on the present by occupying your mind on what you are doing in that moment not about the time you fell out with your best friend or when someone insulted you. I feel a million times better when I have had a productive day and know I spent my time wisely and have completed jobs I now don't need to worry about doing. It's a sense of achievement because time is so precious we need to make sure we spend it wisely and not spend most of it inside our heads like most of us do especially introverts.

Keeping busy by taking part in your favourite hobbies might help you towards doing something you've always dreamed of e.g. becoming a writer or artist so it can only good things whereas being lazy will only lead you to being miserable and feeling a sense of worthlessness because you lack contribution to your day, you are basically wasting your life.

By keeping busy the majority of the time will only make the lazy days and lie ins more rewarding and you can appreciate them more. I know when I have several lie ins in a row you start to lose the affect of appreciation after the first lie in because your body wants to move around not be stuck at a standstill, it's not just unhealthy physically but mentally too. Whilst keeping busy is better for your body it is even more better for your mind.

Your mind is extremely powerful and therefore people who are naturally more intelligent may find themselves in their head and this can lead to negative thoughts because the mind isn't occupied and it may need more work to occupy the mind.

It's easy to want to just sit with your thoughts after a bad day or after a bad event that you feel anxious from however this is the time when it's most important to keep yourself busy else it could lead to huge amounts of stress and anxiety over what had happened. You will naturally want to be alone and analyse the situation but this may mean over analysing what had happened and creating unrealistic outcomes from what had happened.

It doesn't just mean running around doing 4 jobs at once because that is just as stressful as not getting anything done. It means keeping your mind occupied as well whilst doing jobs that you enjoy and you get a sense of achievement after doing.

Kindness Shouldn't Be Taken For Weakness

Nothing impresses me more in a person than kindness. Not intelligence, skill, humour or confidence just sheer genuine kindness. In such a tough, critical, negative society we live in it is so rare to find people with patience and kindness. It is said that you have to be strong, thick skinned and tough to live in this world. Why can't kindness be linked into strength and power? Why are people too quick to assume that if you are a kind person who often helps people out in need that it's a weakness and something to be taken advantage of. Kind people do not get the respect they deserve and in this blog post i am going to say why we need kindness, patience and the sensitivity that comes with it.

As someone who constantly tries to be a kind and wants to help people out as much as i can it's so easy to be taken advantage of or be seen as a weak person who is being taken for a mug. A lot of people are only in it for themselves so are less likely to repay the gesture. If you are in this situation i suggest that you select carefully who you give your time and generosity to. A lot of people don't have the patience these days in such a chaotic world we live in. People are less likely to give money to the homeless or help out an old lady with her shopping and it's sad that people think they don't have time for something that wouldn't take a few minutes out of your day. Giving at least 5 minutes out of your day to help someone could really make their day and spread positivity that desperately needs spreading.

Positivity is so powerful and contagious that i don't get that something that can encourage positivity and make people happy is seen as a weakness in a person. People may think you're kind because you want to get people to like you, there is another motive to your kindness or it's not a real part of your personality. What gets to me is it can't just be seen as a genuine trait that you are proud to have because that is how i feel about it. It's so rare to find someone like this so when i do i make sure i treasure their kindness and generosity and never take it or them for granted and i think it's something more of us should think about. There are too many selfish, narrow minded, negative people that we shouldn't be adding to it and instead showing kindness, being friendly and having patience for people.

I will always believe that people who make an effort to be kind and nice to others will go further in live and not only in success but because they are being positive within themselves by reflecting these positive personality traits. If people take advantage or don't appreciate your kindness and generosity then find people who do. Find people with the same mindset as you because by surrounding yourself with positivity can only lead to good things. I am a huge believer in good karma as well as bad karma and this is what motivates me to do good and always try and be a better, kinder person. Nothing pleases me more than making others happy, giving advise for those in need, making people smile and simply appreciating people's positivity and kindness. Showing people this appreciation will only encourage them to keep being kind.

A simple smile or a hug could really make someone's day and that is extremely powerful and enlightening that it always baffles me when people are cruel and horrible to others to make themselves feel better. If someone is behaving this way to you just remember they are the insecure ones because they have to make others feel down to feel good about themselves. This is a sign of weakness not being kind or generous to others but putting others down for their own selfish pleasure.

We shouldn't have to change who we are to fit the standards of society and you can have a mixture of strength and kindness. Just because you are a kind person doesn't automatically mean you are weak or not genuine.

Being Dark Haired

It is only natural that our bodies are covered in hairs as we are mammals however when that body hair is pretty prominent because you have dark hair this is when you may start to feel insecure. Society still think it's acceptable to portray women as hairless and if they do have hair in places that they wouldn't think as normal this is an extremely negative thing. In the real world as someone with extremely dark hair I know that being hairless is a blatant lie and a standard I cannot live up to. It is hard accept having noticeable body hair especially in places such as arms, back, upper lip etc. because we are constantly showed photographs of women with only hair on her eyebrows, head and that is it even if they have really dark hair.

As hard as it is to accept and feeling extremely envious when I see girls with extremely fair body hair, so fair that they can get away with not shaving/waxing their legs.In an idea world I would love to not have to pluck my eyebrows or shave anywhere because it isn't something us ladies enjoy doing and can be such a chore. One good thing about living in England is that it's always so cold so I don't have to worry about shaving my legs on a regular basis however when it is summer it's a constant thing to do because they are so dark.

When it comes to attracting the opposite sex I get extremely insecure about my body hair because it's not something that is seen as attractive or desirable in fact it is probably seen as the complete opposite and there is a point where body hair on a girl is seen as completely alien as if it shouldn't happen and is a crime. Even though I am pretty insecure about my body hair I will not be with someone who sees it as a negative thing and will only be with someone who accepts it as it is and can look past it. There is nothing wrong with being dark haired it's natural and completely fine.

Being darked haired does have it's good points as well as it's bad such as prominent eyebrows that I do not need to fill in and I like having thick dark hair.

The sooner we accept the facts that some girls have thicker/darker body hair than others and are covered in hairs just like every single other human the easier it will be for women and girls who have dark body hair to accept it and realise it's just a part of life and we can't change it so we should embrace our natural ways. It is hard not to think it isn't normal because the media and society don't help matters by not embracing nature in beauty.

It has been something I've been insecure at from a young age, it started when I was made fun of at only 11 by having noticeable upper lip hair and constantly being told I had a moustache it got so bad I started to hate the word moustache and decided to do something about it at only 12 years old. I shouldn't have been worried about such meaningless stuff at a very young age. Things like this annoy me because it's not something you want to think about at such a young age and it's now something I have to commit to forever. If you are unsure what to do I will advise you to wait as long as possible and don't make a decision right away. I find that talking to girls who have the same problem helps a lot because everyone has body hair whether that's really fair or quite prominent. Girls have testosterone just less of it however some women react to it different to others that is why some women will have longer/darker body hair and can feel like they have more hair than men. It isn't someone we can change so I feel that it would make things a lot easier if we all accepted body hair on females as a part of nature.

Let me know if you have these problems and hopefully this post does help if you do. 

Being A Highly Sensitive Person

Many people will think that being a highly sensitive person is weak, not good for you and cowardly. There are actually some good points to being highly sensitive however a lot of people don't have the patience to find out these good traits. I'm going to talk about what being a highly sensitive person means to me and if you can relate to some or all of these points then you probably are too a highly sensitive person. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you it just means that you function differently to the majority.

Being highly sensitive means that you can't be in busy or chaotic environments for too long such as a busy shopping centre or crowded places where you can't hear yourself think. If you are in one of these situations you will have to leave pretty quickly out of this place else you will feel overwhelmed and exhausted. If you can't get out of these situations as quickly as you'd like to then you might become to feel anxious and stressed out. In these situations e.g. at a nightclub or a concert you might feel the urge to just leave and get 10 minutes time out every so often especially if you feel tired anyway but I always feel tired in these situations. 

You will make time specifically to be alone, especially after being in an overstimulated situation. Not just alone but in a quiet, peaceful environment where you feel comfortable. It is hard for you to relax in any other situation so it is really important that you take time out of your day to be alone. 

Any subtle noise such as a ticking clock, even the sound of someone breathing, someone walking about will irritate you more than the average person especially when you are trying to relax or go to sleep. I am not able to sleep unless I can't hear anything and my room is pitch black. 

Loud people drain you, even if they aren't talking directly to you when you see a loud person you will instantly start to feel irritated and tired just from watching them. I'm not saying it's bad to be a loud person just that if you are friends with someone with a big personality then you will make time for them and prepare for that kind of personality. 

Caffeine and alcohol will affect you more than the average person which means you are probably a lightweight and suffer bad hangovers in the morning. To others it might just be a regular hangover however for you it feels like someone has smashed a brick against your face because the pain is intensified. This means that I am not a fan of alcohol and would much prefer avoiding it. 

As a highly sensitive person I like to spend the majority of my time on my own and in my head analysis things that most people would dismiss and not care about. This is probably not very healthy however it does mean we notice things others don't no matter how subtle and this could come in very useful. This is probably why highly sensitive people are incredibly creative because we have the patience and attention to detail.

People's attitude and emotions can really affect how you are feeling such as if someone is being negative and constantly moaning this will put you in a place where you feel the same and exhausted from their negative energy, It is incredibly hard for a HSP to dismiss their behaviour and get on with their own thing. It is seriously unhealthy for a HSP to be around these people more than people who are not highly sensitive. Their negative energy won't just affect you when you are with them but the rest of the day you'll most probably be analysing their behaviour and wonder if it's you who caused it when it probably wasn't.

You are very self centred not in a vain way but in a way where you think in crowded places or if you go up to the loo in a cinema or a crowded room that everyone is looking at you and what you are doing. Or if you are with a friend having a conversation in a quiet environment where people can hear you this is very off putting for a HSP because you think everyone is listening to you.This is part of the reason you find it so exhausting in over stimulated situations because your mind can't take in all the information at once.

Being highly sensitive means that you most probably have really sensitive skin which means certain types of clothes make you feel really uncomfortable e.g. too tight, the fabric irritates you, not smooth enough, feel too hot in it or really itchy. I hate wearing high waisted stuff and tops that cover the neck. Primark clothes are probably a big no no for you unfortunately.

I hope you liked this post and let me know if you can relate to any of these traits or if you know someone who does.

How Herbal Tea Has Helped Me

I drink herbal tea more than anything else and I am so thankful that I have discovered so many different herbal teas because they all benefit me and my health in different ways it has honestly changed my health for the better. You can get such a range of flavours that going back to fizzy drinks and milkshakes would be a stupid idea. I used to drink coke like water but after discovering herbal tea I have stayed away from coke a lot more unless I am going out for a meal or out drinking alcohol. When I'm at home all I drink is herbal tea and water and maybe coffee. I am going to go through the different herbal teas I drink on a regular basis and how they have helped me. I would encourage anyone who if not already to drink herbal teas, some might not be the nicest of tastes but for health reasons they are worth drinking.

Peppermint tea – I drink peppermint tea instead of coffee because it walks you up without having the negative affects such as an immediate high that coffee gives you plus as someone who finds it hard to sleep at night coffee is always a bad idea. As well as making you feel more awake I find that peppermint tea relaxes me and stops me getting as stressed which ironically helps me more than coffee. Peppermint tea also contains less calories and is perfect for if you're lactose intolerant. If you have IBS like me then peppermint is good for the stomach and doesn't cause stomach ache like coffee does. It can also benefit IBS and sooth the stomach. Peppermint tea is also perfect if you feel sick or nauseous.

Lemon and Ginger tea – This is more of a flavoured tea than a herbal tea however I wanted to mention this one because it helps me feel energised when I have the flu plus added honey also makes it even better for when you've got a cold. It's also a tea I like to drink regularly plus I like the taste. Ginger is good for the digestive system and when you feel nauseous and sick so a definite tea to drink when you're ill.

Green tea – Green tea now comes in so many different flavours that there is no excuse not to drink it. Some of my favourite flavours are gingerbread, salted caramel and mango and lychee. There are so many health benefits to drinking green tea that you will feel really good after drinking it. I find that green tea helps my performance when exercising, it helps cleanse the body, helps keep your skin clear, helps with concentration and reducing weight gain and can help with weight loss if that's what you want. Drinking green tea after a meal helps you feel fuller for longer.

Camomile tea – Camomile tea has probably helped me the most out of all the different teas I drink because I have such a problem with getting to sleep and feeling relaxed when it's time to sleep. After drinking camomile tea I instantly feel relaxed and stressful I must admit it isn't the nicest of flavours however you can get camomile tea with different flavours such as spiced apple and vanilla. I have had the vanilla and camomile one and that one tasted a lot better than camomile on its own. If I am feeling stressed out in the day then I will make sure I drink camomile because it relaxes me in a way nothing else can. Camomile tea is also good for your skin, weight management, when you're feeling anxious or nervous, good for a cold and also a big benefit for girls which is soothes menstrual cramps.

Slimatee – Smilatee is mainly used to detox the body as it helps with constipation, feeling bloated and weight less. I do not use it for weight loss but to detox the body of anything bad or if I've eaten lots lately and I start getting bloated I talk one cup at night and then it does it's business in the morning. I wouldn't suggest this drink on a regular basis but just for those days when you feel really bloated or suffering constipation.

I still want to try other types of tea such as earl grey and more spiced teas but these are all the teas I drink regularly that help me in a variety of ways. Let me know your thoughts on herbal teas.  

Girl Online By Zoe Sugg And Ghostwriting

As someone who's dream is to write my own book it really disheartens me that someone will not put their all into writing a book and fast tracking the process so that someone else does some or all of the work and get zero credit for it. We do not know how much influence the ghostwriter had on Girl Online and this isn't a personal attack on Zoella herself because it's a bigger problem than that and i have nothing against Zoella and what she does. The thing that annoys me the most is the fact Zoe didn't let her viewers know she used a ghostwriter and made out she wrote the book by herself when in fact she could have put minimal effort into the writing of the book.

People who put their all into writing a book and spend years perfecting their writing technique, story lines and characters and then don't get to publish their work are the people i feel sorry for because maybe we won't get the chance to read an amazing book. Writing your own book can take a good year or longer and isn't something you can rush.

Books in my opinion are so personal because they are normally written by one author and that one author has most probably put their life into that book and it's such an amazing feeling when you can recognise all the hard work they've put into every aspect of the book.

Even though Zoe didn't tell her viewers she didn't have help with writing the book as someone who watches her vlogs frequently it was evident that she had help because it was written so quickly and she is always busy with youtube events, moving out with her boyfriend and getting a dog however it would've been nice for her to state that.

We also have to realise that without people like Zoe who sell because they're a brand means that penguin the company who published her book have more money to be able to publish books from the niche market which gives readers more variety of books to choose from which is only a good thing.

The biggest problem with ghostwriting in my opinion is that if it wasn't for someone stating Zoe had help writing her book then we would've never known as a fact that she had used a ghostwriter and got all the credit for writing Girl Online. This also means anyone who can afford a qhostwriter can write a book with people believing they wrote it all themselves. Books will then become less valuable as it becomes more popular for people to produce books in such a meaningless way.

When we read a book we want to see the progress of the storyline and characters and recognise metaphors with hidden meanings, so when we read a book that has been rushed and is quite predictable we feel extremely disappointed and outraged that we spent approx £10 on a piece of average work that we know hasn't been thought over much.

Let me know what you think and if you enjoyed Girl Online or thought it was very average plus your opinion on ghostwriting.

Why Being Single Shouldn't Matter

When you start to love yourself for who you are with no one else but you that is when you will be ready to see someone else and know that the way they treat you is acceptable and what you want. By rushing into countless relationships that mean nothing more than just having someone to hang out with, this is when you see problems arising. Problems which include not being treated the way you should be and thinking things are acceptable when they simply aren't just because you don't want to be lonely.

I'm 20 and nearly 21 in a few months and I have never had a serious relationship this isn't for any particular reason other than I haven't found anyone and it really doesn't bother me. I think that friendships are just as important as boyfriends/girlfriends because they are people I care about and I would never give that up for one person. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm lonely because I have friends and family and this is why friendship is just as important. Having a significant other would be lovely but it really isn't necessary to be happy. Having your happiness depend on other people means that you will never be truly happy with yourself and it's very unhealthy because people let you down and they aren't going to be there forever.  I really wouldn't be bothered if I was single for the next 5 years as long as I had friends and family around me because that should be all that matters.

Being single there will be days where you just want someone to have that emotional connection with that is unique and special. If you try and force or rush into a relationship this could make you unhappy because that person might not be the type of person you want to be in a long term relationship with. I really don't get the point in quick meaningless relationships however I am not one to judge with having minimal experience with relationships this is just my opinion.

If you are in high school or college and all your friends are getting into relationships but you don't particularly want a relationship but feel left out, don't give into the pressure of mediocre relationships and concentrate on things that do matter such as friends, family, education and most importantly yourself. Once you realise there is so much more to life this will immediately make you feel better.

Being an introvert I feel my happiest when I'm on my own so being in a relationship would mean I couldn't be as selfish with my time and that is not what I want at the moment. I want to just be able to spend time on my own doing things I love without a conscience in the back of my mind thinking 'ah he's going to get annoyed if I say I'm busy tonight' etc etc. I don't really care that most of my friends are all in relationships and I'm not. It does get annoying when people ask me if I have a boyfriend and look at me weird when I say no. It's as if everyone must have a significant other to be complete when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Let me know what you think and if you agree that being single shouldn't matter and whether you are single or not and what you like about it or dislike about it.