I am writing this blog post to persuade everyone to take on self compassion and why it beats self esteem in the long run. I have just read self compassion by Kristen Neff and it's basically about why Self Compassion is the way forward and how it can help you forgive past mistakes and nurture you through your struggles.
I as most of us are extremely self critical of ourselves and instantly put ourselves down the moment we make a mistake or hurt others without realising we are only human with flaws. Life is full of struggles whether they are big or small and we need to be able to nurture ourselves and be there for ourselves just like a compassionate friend would be. We need that compassion, gentleness and understanding for ourselves to prevent depression, anxiety and other types of mental illnesses. By being able to forgive ourselves and relate to the fact we will make mistakes and life is hard for everyone not just us then this gives us the ability to be able to deal with our stress in a calmer, logical way.
Being kind to others has always been such an important motto in my life and i always strive to be kinder to others but i have never thought how being kind to myself could actually be life changing and just as if not more important. By being kind and compassionate to others i know all the right things to say when i'm stressed or going through a difficult time and i never realised how much saying those things to myself would help me. For example say i am feeling really down about my appearance i would say 'you look fine as you are dear, please don't feel the need to change' or 'everyone feels insecure about their appearance and body image, you've just got to learn to accept yourself as you are because it is enough'. By frequently repeating these things to myself when i feel this way i feel content, safe, calmer and just a lot less shit than if i said things like 'ew you do look disgusting.' 'you're so spotty and your hair is too plain.' which i would never say to myself now i have read Neff's book about self compassion.
To think so many people speak to themselves in such a self critical way really upsets me because it means they can't see what they are good at and just what a good person they are. It is scientifically proven that as humans we concentrate and are affected more by the negative rather than the positive and it's not something we can help it's just how our brains work. Our brains work this way so that we don't endanger ourselves and to keep us safe and protected however we are not in the caveman times now and we don't need to protect ourselves as much as we think we do. This does not mean we have to just accept that negativity is going to be the main component we can help ourselves by giving ourselves kindness and compassion to our natural thoughts and reassure ourselves everything is going to be okay in a calm, gentle manner. By talking to ourselves in such a way can instantly reduce how anxious we feel about a situation and realise we don't always need other people to make ourselves feel better because relying on others is not the best way to stay happy and in control of our emotions.
A huge part of self compassion that has helped me is remembering to be in the present moment and not let my thoughts or emotions affect me for too long. By practising mindfulness and with this i remind myself of all the things i am grateful for, things as small as the way my cat purrs to me or the smell of my bedroom after lighting candles. By being creative with it helps me to come up with other things i'm grateful for and to always stay grateful and be in the present moment to come up with other great things to be thankful of. By working our minds in this stops us focusing on the negatives and realise how good we have it. It's a simple but affective way of being happier and staying positive. Obviously its impossible to stay positive all the time so when difficult times come up where we feel we can't escape from that moment or emotion we nurture ourselves with compassion through that hard time by reassuring ourselves and talking to ourselves like a close friend would in that situation. We realise in a mindful way how the emotions are affecting us physically as well as mentally and just nurture the places that feel tense, in pain etc.
Self compassion doesn't mean we have to stay positive all the time it's about realising how we are feeling in a mindful way, giving compassion to ourselves, realise how we are all connected as humans and always being kind to ourselves no matter what.
You might be wondering how this will motivate you more than being critical. I find that when i talk down to myself about an uncomfortable task i haven't done yet or for being lazy this kind of attitude only discourages me more to do something about it because now i feel upset and angry with myself. I have only took on self compassion for a few weeks and i am doing more than i have done before i started it e.g. eating healthier, writing blog posts again, reading more, doing more things socially out of my comfort zone, get back into meditation and just generally keeping busier. Plus being critical about things we fail at will only prevent us from trying again and being optimistic at that point. This is basically bullying when we put ourselves down for failing and is a massive part of developing a mental illness because it isolates us and makes us think we are not good enough or deserves forgiveness. I wouldn't wish i worst enemy that kind of mental torture because it is torture and we shouldn't put ourselves through that. Life is hard enough without us judging, being negative to ourselves.
If i ask you to take anything from this then it's to stop beating yourself up especially over silly things that in the big picture don't matter. We are all good enough as we are and shouldn't feel a need to improve or change all we can do is grow as people and work on things we are already good at. We all fail many times as humans, failure is part of the human condition it's how we cope with those hiccups is what counts the most.
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Thursday, 26 November 2015
The Truth About Diets
As a young female it's hard not to feel personally victimised no matter what size you are at that point to be ultra slim and 'beach body ready'. Constantly told what we should and shouldn't be eating and when and how much of it. It's as if our freedom to eat what we like when we like has been totally snatched out of our hands and dieting should be a way of life no matter how miserable it makes us. That if we so much as sniff a chocolate bar we are the unhealthy ones who are in the wrong.
For someone who is pretty slim and looking at it now should never really even consider going on a diet I own up to trying out diets even though no matter how unsuccessful the last one went i would still find motivation to seek out another way. I didn't realise that if the ones I've already tried have been very short lived and it would be a miracle for them to last more than two days then why would another diet depriving me from some kind of nutrition be any more successful? I really didn't see how it would last in the long run and depriving me of all treats i love only made me miserable and grumpy which only makes it more unnecessary. I never really came to the realisation that none of these 'diets' is really going to be a lifestyle and a way of living because i was constantly feeling malnurited, dizzy and had a lack of energy. Is all of that really worth being skinny for? No, not on any sort of level. Life is for living, making friendships, accomplishing goals and taking in new experiences not for obsessing over our body size to fit into society. Life is so much more than what we look like or how much we weigh and we should all appreciate that.
It is also proven that diets do not work in any circumstances in fact in the long run they make you put on weight because your body is feeding itself because it doesn't know the next time it will be fed due to the yoyo dieting. Diets all end in the same cycle go on a diet, feel deprived which leads to binge eating and the cycle goes on again and again. You have to think about the long run and what will be best for your health in the long run. Forget about diets and having the 'perfect' body think about your health, strength and ability to complete tasks. Think about what is actually going into your body not about how many calories it contains. So as well as making you feel miserable diets are proven to actually make you gain weight by having such an unhealthy relationship with food. You will find that the more you focus on diets and what you are eating you end up becoming obsessed with food which can only end one way and that is one massive binge on foods that really aren't good for you.
Diets can also end in a much more dangerous situation and that is an eating disorder whether that is anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder etc. The best way to avoid any of this is just to eat in a satisfying way which means no restriction, no cutting out any groups of food, if you want a chocolate bar then eat that dam chocolate bar it isn't going to kill you. Do not ever feel the need to diet, yes choose healthier alternatives and eat a balanced diet but no not starve yourself or restrict foods you love.
Restricting what I ate led me to binge eat and it started happening so frequently that i binge ate and still do out of habit, nothing has to cause it but it just happens. I feel an urge to eat anything bad and sugary and at that moment it does feel good because it's an addiction, sugar is addictive. But in the long run it gets me down that i still haven't got the control i want i can have a good day of eating lots and still feel an urge to binge eat because it has now come as a habit and i'm so used to having that urge. But the guilt i feel afterwards is so not worth it but i only realise that until it's too late which stresses me even more. I wouldn't wish that relationship on food to my worst enemy and to think it could've all been stopped if i didn't get allured into dieting in the first place.
Everyone but especially young females are victims of a society that pressures us into being what society would deem as being attractive or admirable and it's hard to go against this however nothing is worth more than your own happiness. If that means being bigger or looking different to what society would expect then so be it. Happiness, chocolate, all things indulgent are worth a lot more than restriction. I am not saying get fat but what i am saying is eat what you want and have a healthy relationship with food. It's something we all should think about but the one most important point i want you to take from this post is don't diet or restrict yourself in the first place. There are so many other pleasures of life we can indulge in, not just food.
For someone who is pretty slim and looking at it now should never really even consider going on a diet I own up to trying out diets even though no matter how unsuccessful the last one went i would still find motivation to seek out another way. I didn't realise that if the ones I've already tried have been very short lived and it would be a miracle for them to last more than two days then why would another diet depriving me from some kind of nutrition be any more successful? I really didn't see how it would last in the long run and depriving me of all treats i love only made me miserable and grumpy which only makes it more unnecessary. I never really came to the realisation that none of these 'diets' is really going to be a lifestyle and a way of living because i was constantly feeling malnurited, dizzy and had a lack of energy. Is all of that really worth being skinny for? No, not on any sort of level. Life is for living, making friendships, accomplishing goals and taking in new experiences not for obsessing over our body size to fit into society. Life is so much more than what we look like or how much we weigh and we should all appreciate that.
It is also proven that diets do not work in any circumstances in fact in the long run they make you put on weight because your body is feeding itself because it doesn't know the next time it will be fed due to the yoyo dieting. Diets all end in the same cycle go on a diet, feel deprived which leads to binge eating and the cycle goes on again and again. You have to think about the long run and what will be best for your health in the long run. Forget about diets and having the 'perfect' body think about your health, strength and ability to complete tasks. Think about what is actually going into your body not about how many calories it contains. So as well as making you feel miserable diets are proven to actually make you gain weight by having such an unhealthy relationship with food. You will find that the more you focus on diets and what you are eating you end up becoming obsessed with food which can only end one way and that is one massive binge on foods that really aren't good for you.
Diets can also end in a much more dangerous situation and that is an eating disorder whether that is anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder etc. The best way to avoid any of this is just to eat in a satisfying way which means no restriction, no cutting out any groups of food, if you want a chocolate bar then eat that dam chocolate bar it isn't going to kill you. Do not ever feel the need to diet, yes choose healthier alternatives and eat a balanced diet but no not starve yourself or restrict foods you love.
Restricting what I ate led me to binge eat and it started happening so frequently that i binge ate and still do out of habit, nothing has to cause it but it just happens. I feel an urge to eat anything bad and sugary and at that moment it does feel good because it's an addiction, sugar is addictive. But in the long run it gets me down that i still haven't got the control i want i can have a good day of eating lots and still feel an urge to binge eat because it has now come as a habit and i'm so used to having that urge. But the guilt i feel afterwards is so not worth it but i only realise that until it's too late which stresses me even more. I wouldn't wish that relationship on food to my worst enemy and to think it could've all been stopped if i didn't get allured into dieting in the first place.
Everyone but especially young females are victims of a society that pressures us into being what society would deem as being attractive or admirable and it's hard to go against this however nothing is worth more than your own happiness. If that means being bigger or looking different to what society would expect then so be it. Happiness, chocolate, all things indulgent are worth a lot more than restriction. I am not saying get fat but what i am saying is eat what you want and have a healthy relationship with food. It's something we all should think about but the one most important point i want you to take from this post is don't diet or restrict yourself in the first place. There are so many other pleasures of life we can indulge in, not just food.
Sunday, 10 May 2015
Binge Eating
For the past couple of years i have found myself seeking sugary foods and literally anything bad for me for comfort and stress relief. I am constantly battling the urge to eat cakes, chocolate, crisps etc when i'm stressed, upset or angry even though i know i will feel incredibly shit about myself afterwards but at the time of eating these goods my endorphins kick in and i can feel that sugar rush relieving me from the stress. This only lasts as long as i'm eating. By binging out on sugary treats no matter how much i eat i will still be craving more and getting greedier considering how stressed i am. Sugar gives you that initial high that is dangerously addictive and leans to many others binge eating or over indulging after only promising themselves they would only have one or two biscuits and end up eating the entire packet in one sitting. I'm sure this is a common thing and why many of us have such a sweet tooth.
This is called mindless eating because i do not take the time to enjoy these treats which i must emphasis should be eaten in moderation not all at once. This causes the mind to think i haven't actually eaten and the brain takes longer to realise you have eaten something because i'm eating so quickly and not letting my body digest it properly before moving onto something else just as unhealthy. No matter how shit i feel after succumbing to my urges of sugar i will always end up in the same situation when I am feeling particularly stressed or seeking out comfort.Sometimes there isn't even a reason for my over indulging just the simple fact i love sweet treats and there is something eyeing me up in the cupboard.
I have gained weight in the last year or so due to relying on food to feel happy and content. I know there are a lot more dangerous relationships we can have with food however this is what i know about and that's why i want to write about it, for my own benefit as well as some of you. By gaining this weight it was made me more aware of what i am eating but this does not stop me caving in when things get a little tough and i feel i can't take much more stress or pressures of life. Being concious of what i'm eating if anything has made me worse because i'm constantly thinking about food and the more i try and restrict myself from caving in the more obsessed i get with calories and sugary treats.
It all starts when i enter the kitchen and am surrounded by foods that are screaming my name to eat them all, foods filled with sugar but my main problem is milk chocolate. If i know there is chocolate in the house it will always be in the back of my mind because i am incredibly addicted to chocolate and this probably is the reason we never have milk chocolate of any kind in our house because i only end up managing to stay away from it a day or two before having to eat it. I remember one easter managing to stay away from a decent size Oreo easter egg before getting a real urge to eat the whole thing in one. I did eat it all and felt so fill it generally hurt to move and thought to myself was it really worth it? Why couldn't i have just eaten half of the egg and saved the rest? I have never felt so shit and for the rest of the day i felt moody, irritable and upset that temptation took over. I know it isn't anything as bad as some people's binge eating however it does get me down a lot knowing that when i get these urges i feel as if i lose total control over what i'm putting into my mouth especially when i try so hard to be healthy the majority of the time.
I think one thing that has stopped me putting on too much weight is exercising which controls my urges as well because it's another better more sufficient way of dealing with stress. Exercise brings out endorphins as well that help you feel good about yourself which always improves your health. By exercising i feel that it encourages me to be healthier because fruit has appealed a lot more to me since i have been exercising on a regular basis.
Other ways that help me when I get urges to react the junk food cupboard include eating fruit, nuts and yoghurt because fruit contains natural sugars to help with your sweet tooth plus yoghurt and nuts are very filling. I mainly get these urges just before i go to bed or at night time and i find it hard to sleep so i always think eating lots of sugar things before bed will keep me up and i will feel incredibly bloated and horrible when lying in bed. Plus i've heard eating something light before bed can help you sleep so if i get these urges i normally eat a banana before i go to bed. I also think to myself will i feel great the next day when i am still bloated because this food hasn't digested properly from the evening before and have to carry it around all day? I don't think i will ever grow out of this bad habit and it will always be in the back of my mind even if i don't act upon it when i'm stressed because sugar is addictive and is an addiction to many people. Some people would say it is worse than being addicted to alcohol or drugs because it gives off the same endorphins and is more accessible. It's about really getting to know your body and what benefits and what damages it because we need our bodies to be healthy to live. So why not pick the healthiest way possible?
I think one thing that has stopped me putting on too much weight is exercising which controls my urges as well because it's another better more sufficient way of dealing with stress. Exercise brings out endorphins as well that help you feel good about yourself which always improves your health. By exercising i feel that it encourages me to be healthier because fruit has appealed a lot more to me since i have been exercising on a regular basis.
Other ways that help me when I get urges to react the junk food cupboard include eating fruit, nuts and yoghurt because fruit contains natural sugars to help with your sweet tooth plus yoghurt and nuts are very filling. I mainly get these urges just before i go to bed or at night time and i find it hard to sleep so i always think eating lots of sugar things before bed will keep me up and i will feel incredibly bloated and horrible when lying in bed. Plus i've heard eating something light before bed can help you sleep so if i get these urges i normally eat a banana before i go to bed. I also think to myself will i feel great the next day when i am still bloated because this food hasn't digested properly from the evening before and have to carry it around all day? I don't think i will ever grow out of this bad habit and it will always be in the back of my mind even if i don't act upon it when i'm stressed because sugar is addictive and is an addiction to many people. Some people would say it is worse than being addicted to alcohol or drugs because it gives off the same endorphins and is more accessible. It's about really getting to know your body and what benefits and what damages it because we need our bodies to be healthy to live. So why not pick the healthiest way possible?
Saturday, 2 May 2015
Porn - Good Or Bad?
With porn being incredibly easy to access for anyone at any age in just a variety of genres we have to question whether this is a good or bad thing. You don't have to be 18 to get hold of porn as it's so easy to fins on the interest without any restrictions. I don't believe the concept of porn is a bad thing because sex is a natural thing however i believe there are so many negative things within the porn industry and that is what i'm going to talk about in this blog post.
With such a high rating of teenager viewers on porn sites it is already evident that it's going to have a big influence on their future or already existing sex lives
and how they view gender roles. This is why it's so important see how it affects people. With a lack of sex education in schools this could be the only 'sex education' and information they are going to get to do with sex. There are many aspects porn could affect in a negative way such as relationships, sex lives, the way teenagers view sex, how both genders view each other and so many other aspects.
With porn being a very unrealistic way in which sexual intercourse happens for example no communication beforehand to seek consent and talk about each others needs, sexual positions that are extremely uncomfortable and not realistic, no communication during sex only abuse that is glamourized and the female looking extremely uncomfortable and mute. This is extremely sexist, dominant, even abusive and could be seen as rape. Without any of the people taking part in sex in porn asking for consent or checking with their body language that they are comfortable with it this will bring a shocking amount of influence on how to approach sex to people so young.
Porn romanticises and glamorizes violence towards women e.g. gagging, whipping, strangling and hair pulling which only encourages guys who watch porn to rein act these actions on their other half assuming this is something they will enjoy. If you are a woman and into these types of things then fair enough however most of us are not so it's very insulting to assume we enjoy such horrible behaviour. It's extremely disrespectful and hurtful to the victim in this situation, sex should not involve violence in any way. If both people are not enjoying the experience then something isn't right because it shouldn't be that way.
Men will develop unrealistic expectations not just on how they think women should act in the bedroom but how they look physically. Women in porn are totally hairless showing no sign of body hair apart from eyebrows and hair, pubic hair is no where to be seen on women and men are often hairless on their chests and showing little body hair as well. This can make women especially with dark hair extremely insecure. It is impossible that a women naturally has no body hair as we are all human. Women in porn also show no sign of love handles, cellulite, roles of fat and are normally women with big breasts which are often implants and flat stomachs. Making men have higher expectations of women than is realistic.
Not only are their looks unrealistic but their behaviour as well, Men in porn are usually very dominating and controlling and sex is seen as something to satisfy men only by having the lady in positions that are uncomfortable and not stopping when the woman is evidentially in pain or shows no sign of pleasure or satisfaction. This is a seriously dangerous message to portray and emphasises and encourages the use of victim blaming within rape and glamorising it as porn,
I believe porn is not something we should aspire to within our own sex lives, no contact such as touching, kissing, foreplay or genuine chemistry is used within porn, you are simply just shown what sex is like after all the foreplay etc however foreplay is extremely important and some would even say the best part of sex so why should it be totally dismissed in our own sex lives. Having an emotional connection to your sexual partner makes it a lot easier and enjoyable plus you'll feel more comfortable saying no when you aren't ready or in the mood. Sex in itself isn't always the main pleasure but being with someone you know is worth it. Porn does not portray any connection at all and in my opinion makes it awkward and not enjoyable to watch.
I am not saying every single thing about porn is bad and you should never watch it however acts within sex and their attitude towards it in porn should not be demonstrated within your own sex life. Yes it could be great to spice up things in the bedroom but if your partner isn't keen then you should find something else that you both agree on. There isn't anything bad with watching porn as long as you know this is incredibly glamorized and staged that you shouldn't let it influence your own sex life at all.
With such a high rating of teenager viewers on porn sites it is already evident that it's going to have a big influence on their future or already existing sex lives
and how they view gender roles. This is why it's so important see how it affects people. With a lack of sex education in schools this could be the only 'sex education' and information they are going to get to do with sex. There are many aspects porn could affect in a negative way such as relationships, sex lives, the way teenagers view sex, how both genders view each other and so many other aspects.
With porn being a very unrealistic way in which sexual intercourse happens for example no communication beforehand to seek consent and talk about each others needs, sexual positions that are extremely uncomfortable and not realistic, no communication during sex only abuse that is glamourized and the female looking extremely uncomfortable and mute. This is extremely sexist, dominant, even abusive and could be seen as rape. Without any of the people taking part in sex in porn asking for consent or checking with their body language that they are comfortable with it this will bring a shocking amount of influence on how to approach sex to people so young.
Porn romanticises and glamorizes violence towards women e.g. gagging, whipping, strangling and hair pulling which only encourages guys who watch porn to rein act these actions on their other half assuming this is something they will enjoy. If you are a woman and into these types of things then fair enough however most of us are not so it's very insulting to assume we enjoy such horrible behaviour. It's extremely disrespectful and hurtful to the victim in this situation, sex should not involve violence in any way. If both people are not enjoying the experience then something isn't right because it shouldn't be that way.
Men will develop unrealistic expectations not just on how they think women should act in the bedroom but how they look physically. Women in porn are totally hairless showing no sign of body hair apart from eyebrows and hair, pubic hair is no where to be seen on women and men are often hairless on their chests and showing little body hair as well. This can make women especially with dark hair extremely insecure. It is impossible that a women naturally has no body hair as we are all human. Women in porn also show no sign of love handles, cellulite, roles of fat and are normally women with big breasts which are often implants and flat stomachs. Making men have higher expectations of women than is realistic.
Not only are their looks unrealistic but their behaviour as well, Men in porn are usually very dominating and controlling and sex is seen as something to satisfy men only by having the lady in positions that are uncomfortable and not stopping when the woman is evidentially in pain or shows no sign of pleasure or satisfaction. This is a seriously dangerous message to portray and emphasises and encourages the use of victim blaming within rape and glamorising it as porn,
I believe porn is not something we should aspire to within our own sex lives, no contact such as touching, kissing, foreplay or genuine chemistry is used within porn, you are simply just shown what sex is like after all the foreplay etc however foreplay is extremely important and some would even say the best part of sex so why should it be totally dismissed in our own sex lives. Having an emotional connection to your sexual partner makes it a lot easier and enjoyable plus you'll feel more comfortable saying no when you aren't ready or in the mood. Sex in itself isn't always the main pleasure but being with someone you know is worth it. Porn does not portray any connection at all and in my opinion makes it awkward and not enjoyable to watch.
I am not saying every single thing about porn is bad and you should never watch it however acts within sex and their attitude towards it in porn should not be demonstrated within your own sex life. Yes it could be great to spice up things in the bedroom but if your partner isn't keen then you should find something else that you both agree on. There isn't anything bad with watching porn as long as you know this is incredibly glamorized and staged that you shouldn't let it influence your own sex life at all.
Saturday, 4 April 2015
Sexism In Schools
When you're a young teenager you are more likely to be influenced by the people around you and what is deemed as the norm within behaviour, attitude and society. So it comes as no surprise that there is a significant amount of sexism within schools today. Being in the 21st century you would've thought sexism would have cut down dramatically to how it used to be but the sad truth is that it hasn't. Sexism at schools doesn't just come from the students amongst each other but by teachers, the government and people that should know a lot better. Some of this sexism isn't intentional however it could be stopped or paid more attention to.Instead of tackling the idea of sexism and educating students that women are equal to men and are not put on this earth to satisfy men rather than promoting sexism and making it incredibly evident in schools today.
There is one experience i know of that stands out for me, someone close to me who is female wanted to take electronics as part of her GCSE's she was brilliant at it and was passionate and eager to take it as one of her choices. Her parents supported her decision however when it came to parents evening and letting her tutor know this who was male he was very negative and against the idea of her taking this subject just because she was female. As her tutor he could see she got the best marks in this subject and that her passion was obvious when it came to this subject. I think it's incredibly sad and hurtful that people at such a young age are told what they can and can't do just because they've got different genitals and people are so narrow minded they can't see past gender roles. When it comes down to talent and abilities gender, disability, race should be put last because it's someone's passion and attitude that should matter.
Dividing gender in such a dramatic way can change the way guys and girls view each other in a negative way by making it harder for them to be seen as equals. Mixing genders in all subjects from dance, gymnastics, electronics, woodwork, food technology, textiles and all types of subjects this is a good way to decrease sexism in schools. This also tackles gender roles and both genders being embarrassed by their ambition just because they aren't seen as normal by society.
Teenage girls at high school are often sexualized by being told skirts that are anywhere above the knee is a 'distraction' and shouldn't be allowed. This immediately tells teenage guys that it is okay and even normal to see women and girls at such a young age as sexual objects not people with emotions and feelings. This has a lot to do with the rape culture of today, victim blaming is already evident and shockingly common and where we hear sayings such as 'what was she wearing' or 'she gave the wrong impression'. They do not focus on the behaviour of the guys that are looking at girls in such a disrespectful manner and protecting and supporting girls who have had to put up with such behaviour on a regular basis.
At school we are not informed about this type of behaviour which is sexual harassment and leans us to think it is normal and acceptable to go through this type of behaviour as a female. By not talking about it at school it leads to worse situations when they could be massively prevented if we talk about it more with young people and encourage young girls and boys to tell someone if they feel uncomfortable with the way someone is behaving towards you or randomly touching you in an unpleasant way. It could be as simple as calling you 'sexy' or 'babe'. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is not acceptable in any given situation. It doesn't matter if they're your partner or someone you fancy you should always say if you don't like it.
Schools supporting sexist ideas such as men are generally more successful than women effortlessly whilst women have to work harder yet get more stick and negativity when trying to be as successful and women are only put here to produce babies and satisfy men's needs, This will only encourage domestic abuse, sexual assault, homophobia, gender discrimination, verbal abuse, rape and sexual harassment. These crimes are already taken place on a daily basis and desperately needs to be discouraged and taken as seriously as other crimes such as murder.
It's not just women who have to face the struggles of sexism in our society today but men face some of the struggles as well. With men being seen as powerful, masculine, emotionless, strong if they do not fit these standards their sexuality is instantly questioned which leads them to being called horrible names such as 'faggot' 'sissy' 'weak' 'puff'' etc. Men may feel they can't express their emotions especially to someone they fancy as they want to be seen as strong and respected. By constant victim blaming in our society it is suggesting that men have no self control over their sexual desires.
If someone informed me of all the information i know now not from the education system but from tumblr, youtube videos and other forms of social media i would've felt more confident knowing what was quite frankly incredibly unacceptable and disrespectful. If you are at school i hope this information helps you within the school environment.
There is one experience i know of that stands out for me, someone close to me who is female wanted to take electronics as part of her GCSE's she was brilliant at it and was passionate and eager to take it as one of her choices. Her parents supported her decision however when it came to parents evening and letting her tutor know this who was male he was very negative and against the idea of her taking this subject just because she was female. As her tutor he could see she got the best marks in this subject and that her passion was obvious when it came to this subject. I think it's incredibly sad and hurtful that people at such a young age are told what they can and can't do just because they've got different genitals and people are so narrow minded they can't see past gender roles. When it comes down to talent and abilities gender, disability, race should be put last because it's someone's passion and attitude that should matter.
Dividing gender in such a dramatic way can change the way guys and girls view each other in a negative way by making it harder for them to be seen as equals. Mixing genders in all subjects from dance, gymnastics, electronics, woodwork, food technology, textiles and all types of subjects this is a good way to decrease sexism in schools. This also tackles gender roles and both genders being embarrassed by their ambition just because they aren't seen as normal by society.
Teenage girls at high school are often sexualized by being told skirts that are anywhere above the knee is a 'distraction' and shouldn't be allowed. This immediately tells teenage guys that it is okay and even normal to see women and girls at such a young age as sexual objects not people with emotions and feelings. This has a lot to do with the rape culture of today, victim blaming is already evident and shockingly common and where we hear sayings such as 'what was she wearing' or 'she gave the wrong impression'. They do not focus on the behaviour of the guys that are looking at girls in such a disrespectful manner and protecting and supporting girls who have had to put up with such behaviour on a regular basis.
At school we are not informed about this type of behaviour which is sexual harassment and leans us to think it is normal and acceptable to go through this type of behaviour as a female. By not talking about it at school it leads to worse situations when they could be massively prevented if we talk about it more with young people and encourage young girls and boys to tell someone if they feel uncomfortable with the way someone is behaving towards you or randomly touching you in an unpleasant way. It could be as simple as calling you 'sexy' or 'babe'. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is not acceptable in any given situation. It doesn't matter if they're your partner or someone you fancy you should always say if you don't like it.
Schools supporting sexist ideas such as men are generally more successful than women effortlessly whilst women have to work harder yet get more stick and negativity when trying to be as successful and women are only put here to produce babies and satisfy men's needs, This will only encourage domestic abuse, sexual assault, homophobia, gender discrimination, verbal abuse, rape and sexual harassment. These crimes are already taken place on a daily basis and desperately needs to be discouraged and taken as seriously as other crimes such as murder.
It's not just women who have to face the struggles of sexism in our society today but men face some of the struggles as well. With men being seen as powerful, masculine, emotionless, strong if they do not fit these standards their sexuality is instantly questioned which leads them to being called horrible names such as 'faggot' 'sissy' 'weak' 'puff'' etc. Men may feel they can't express their emotions especially to someone they fancy as they want to be seen as strong and respected. By constant victim blaming in our society it is suggesting that men have no self control over their sexual desires.
If someone informed me of all the information i know now not from the education system but from tumblr, youtube videos and other forms of social media i would've felt more confident knowing what was quite frankly incredibly unacceptable and disrespectful. If you are at school i hope this information helps you within the school environment.
Wednesday, 18 March 2015
Keeping Busy, The Art Of Happiness
Being an introvert I often need time alone with nothing but my own thoughts however this does not mean I don't like keeping busy to keep my mind off things. If I could spend all my time in my head with my thoughts then I would but this is very unhealthy and leads me to feel negative and low due to over thinking and over analysing things that the majority of people would simply dismiss. This is why i think it is especially important for me to keep busy and out of my head with breaks where i can be alone when I need to. These breaks shouldn't be exceptionally long because I get into a tough circle of once I'm alone in my thoughts the longer I am there the harder it is to get out of my head and focus on the present.
As humans we are naturally happier when we are busy whether that is at work, socialising, taking part in hobbies such as reading, sport, cooking, writing or anything you like. It helps you focus your mind on the present by occupying your mind on what you are doing in that moment not about the time you fell out with your best friend or when someone insulted you. I feel a million times better when I have had a productive day and know I spent my time wisely and have completed jobs I now don't need to worry about doing. It's a sense of achievement because time is so precious we need to make sure we spend it wisely and not spend most of it inside our heads like most of us do especially introverts.
Keeping busy by taking part in your favourite hobbies might help you towards doing something you've always dreamed of e.g. becoming a writer or artist so it can only good things whereas being lazy will only lead you to being miserable and feeling a sense of worthlessness because you lack contribution to your day, you are basically wasting your life.
By keeping busy the majority of the time will only make the lazy days and lie ins more rewarding and you can appreciate them more. I know when I have several lie ins in a row you start to lose the affect of appreciation after the first lie in because your body wants to move around not be stuck at a standstill, it's not just unhealthy physically but mentally too. Whilst keeping busy is better for your body it is even more better for your mind.
Your mind is extremely powerful and therefore people who are naturally more intelligent may find themselves in their head and this can lead to negative thoughts because the mind isn't occupied and it may need more work to occupy the mind.
It's easy to want to just sit with your thoughts after a bad day or after a bad event that you feel anxious from however this is the time when it's most important to keep yourself busy else it could lead to huge amounts of stress and anxiety over what had happened. You will naturally want to be alone and analyse the situation but this may mean over analysing what had happened and creating unrealistic outcomes from what had happened.
It doesn't just mean running around doing 4 jobs at once because that is just as stressful as not getting anything done. It means keeping your mind occupied as well whilst doing jobs that you enjoy and you get a sense of achievement after doing.
As humans we are naturally happier when we are busy whether that is at work, socialising, taking part in hobbies such as reading, sport, cooking, writing or anything you like. It helps you focus your mind on the present by occupying your mind on what you are doing in that moment not about the time you fell out with your best friend or when someone insulted you. I feel a million times better when I have had a productive day and know I spent my time wisely and have completed jobs I now don't need to worry about doing. It's a sense of achievement because time is so precious we need to make sure we spend it wisely and not spend most of it inside our heads like most of us do especially introverts.
Keeping busy by taking part in your favourite hobbies might help you towards doing something you've always dreamed of e.g. becoming a writer or artist so it can only good things whereas being lazy will only lead you to being miserable and feeling a sense of worthlessness because you lack contribution to your day, you are basically wasting your life.
By keeping busy the majority of the time will only make the lazy days and lie ins more rewarding and you can appreciate them more. I know when I have several lie ins in a row you start to lose the affect of appreciation after the first lie in because your body wants to move around not be stuck at a standstill, it's not just unhealthy physically but mentally too. Whilst keeping busy is better for your body it is even more better for your mind.
Your mind is extremely powerful and therefore people who are naturally more intelligent may find themselves in their head and this can lead to negative thoughts because the mind isn't occupied and it may need more work to occupy the mind.
It's easy to want to just sit with your thoughts after a bad day or after a bad event that you feel anxious from however this is the time when it's most important to keep yourself busy else it could lead to huge amounts of stress and anxiety over what had happened. You will naturally want to be alone and analyse the situation but this may mean over analysing what had happened and creating unrealistic outcomes from what had happened.
It doesn't just mean running around doing 4 jobs at once because that is just as stressful as not getting anything done. It means keeping your mind occupied as well whilst doing jobs that you enjoy and you get a sense of achievement after doing.
Friday, 27 February 2015
Kindness Shouldn't Be Taken For Weakness
Nothing impresses me more in a person than kindness. Not intelligence, skill, humour or confidence just sheer genuine kindness. In such a tough, critical, negative society we live in it is so rare to find people with patience and kindness. It is said that you have to be strong, thick skinned and tough to live in this world. Why can't kindness be linked into strength and power? Why are people too quick to assume that if you are a kind person who often helps people out in need that it's a weakness and something to be taken advantage of. Kind people do not get the respect they deserve and in this blog post i am going to say why we need kindness, patience and the sensitivity that comes with it.
As someone who constantly tries to be a kind and wants to help people out as much as i can it's so easy to be taken advantage of or be seen as a weak person who is being taken for a mug. A lot of people are only in it for themselves so are less likely to repay the gesture. If you are in this situation i suggest that you select carefully who you give your time and generosity to. A lot of people don't have the patience these days in such a chaotic world we live in. People are less likely to give money to the homeless or help out an old lady with her shopping and it's sad that people think they don't have time for something that wouldn't take a few minutes out of your day. Giving at least 5 minutes out of your day to help someone could really make their day and spread positivity that desperately needs spreading.
Positivity is so powerful and contagious that i don't get that something that can encourage positivity and make people happy is seen as a weakness in a person. People may think you're kind because you want to get people to like you, there is another motive to your kindness or it's not a real part of your personality. What gets to me is it can't just be seen as a genuine trait that you are proud to have because that is how i feel about it. It's so rare to find someone like this so when i do i make sure i treasure their kindness and generosity and never take it or them for granted and i think it's something more of us should think about. There are too many selfish, narrow minded, negative people that we shouldn't be adding to it and instead showing kindness, being friendly and having patience for people.
I will always believe that people who make an effort to be kind and nice to others will go further in live and not only in success but because they are being positive within themselves by reflecting these positive personality traits. If people take advantage or don't appreciate your kindness and generosity then find people who do. Find people with the same mindset as you because by surrounding yourself with positivity can only lead to good things. I am a huge believer in good karma as well as bad karma and this is what motivates me to do good and always try and be a better, kinder person. Nothing pleases me more than making others happy, giving advise for those in need, making people smile and simply appreciating people's positivity and kindness. Showing people this appreciation will only encourage them to keep being kind.
A simple smile or a hug could really make someone's day and that is extremely powerful and enlightening that it always baffles me when people are cruel and horrible to others to make themselves feel better. If someone is behaving this way to you just remember they are the insecure ones because they have to make others feel down to feel good about themselves. This is a sign of weakness not being kind or generous to others but putting others down for their own selfish pleasure.
We shouldn't have to change who we are to fit the standards of society and you can have a mixture of strength and kindness. Just because you are a kind person doesn't automatically mean you are weak or not genuine.
As someone who constantly tries to be a kind and wants to help people out as much as i can it's so easy to be taken advantage of or be seen as a weak person who is being taken for a mug. A lot of people are only in it for themselves so are less likely to repay the gesture. If you are in this situation i suggest that you select carefully who you give your time and generosity to. A lot of people don't have the patience these days in such a chaotic world we live in. People are less likely to give money to the homeless or help out an old lady with her shopping and it's sad that people think they don't have time for something that wouldn't take a few minutes out of your day. Giving at least 5 minutes out of your day to help someone could really make their day and spread positivity that desperately needs spreading.
Positivity is so powerful and contagious that i don't get that something that can encourage positivity and make people happy is seen as a weakness in a person. People may think you're kind because you want to get people to like you, there is another motive to your kindness or it's not a real part of your personality. What gets to me is it can't just be seen as a genuine trait that you are proud to have because that is how i feel about it. It's so rare to find someone like this so when i do i make sure i treasure their kindness and generosity and never take it or them for granted and i think it's something more of us should think about. There are too many selfish, narrow minded, negative people that we shouldn't be adding to it and instead showing kindness, being friendly and having patience for people.
I will always believe that people who make an effort to be kind and nice to others will go further in live and not only in success but because they are being positive within themselves by reflecting these positive personality traits. If people take advantage or don't appreciate your kindness and generosity then find people who do. Find people with the same mindset as you because by surrounding yourself with positivity can only lead to good things. I am a huge believer in good karma as well as bad karma and this is what motivates me to do good and always try and be a better, kinder person. Nothing pleases me more than making others happy, giving advise for those in need, making people smile and simply appreciating people's positivity and kindness. Showing people this appreciation will only encourage them to keep being kind.
A simple smile or a hug could really make someone's day and that is extremely powerful and enlightening that it always baffles me when people are cruel and horrible to others to make themselves feel better. If someone is behaving this way to you just remember they are the insecure ones because they have to make others feel down to feel good about themselves. This is a sign of weakness not being kind or generous to others but putting others down for their own selfish pleasure.
We shouldn't have to change who we are to fit the standards of society and you can have a mixture of strength and kindness. Just because you are a kind person doesn't automatically mean you are weak or not genuine.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)