What Is Consent?

After doing a blog post on rape culture and hearing the awful things that have been happening in the youtube community i have decided to do a blog post on consent and what it is. So basically if you haven't heard already a few male youtubers have admitted to sexually abusing younger girls after a few of these girls came forward about being victimised by these youtubers. I cannot stress enough about the fact that you must get consent before any kind of sexual activity whether that's just kissing or sexual intercourse. I shall link a few videos on this subject, they are all a must watch. 

Consent isn't just saying yes to someone who wants to have sexual relations with you it's body language, are they reluctant to do anything sexual? Is there any hesitation whatsoever? Are they being quiet? Do they look nervous? Do they look like they don't want to be there? Is there no enthusiasm or little enthusiasm? Before having any kind of sexual activity with someone whether that's your long term partner or someone you met at a club. You need to take all these things into consideration because yes doesn't always mean yes plus sometimes a simple yes answer isn't enough, you need their full consent. It doesn't matter how many times you've had sex with that person beforehand you must always ask for consent every single time for the reason that one day they might feel like it and the next day they might have no interest in having sex or any kind of sexual contact. This is why rape is so common, people in relationships may just assume their partner wants sex because they're in a relationship however this is not the case and more people need to realise they need to have consent before any kind of sexual contact no matter who the other person is and how long you've known that person. 

If someone says no after being asked for consent that is rape, plain and simple. Plus someone doesn't just have to say no for it to be rape, if they make any kind of suggestion that they don't want to have sex that also is rape. Just because someone might do it in a more manipulative way to make the victim feel as if it's their fault or their partner isn't doing wrong to them that is just as bad if not a whole lot worse as that is emotional abuse as well as sexual abuse. 

From my research i have come up with some information that you might not have already known about consent. This is information that people need to know. 

If someone, boy or girl is drunk they can't give consent so if you take advantage of a drunk person without them saying yes, a yes with meaning then that is rape. 

It's classified rape if she or he says no in any way at all, they might not say 'no' but if they're indicating it in any way, in the eyes of the law it is the same thing. 

It is still rape even if no violence is used, the person committing it could go to prison, get a criminal record and be put on the sex offenders register. Not only that but you can seriously damage someone from these actions, victims will never be able to forget such hideous behaviour from someone that they could've possibly spent the rest of their live with. 

Everybody has a choice in having sex, if you feel any kind of doubt you must realise that you have a choice no matter how much pressure you are put under. 

Just because you are with your loved one for the night doesn't mean you have to have sex, you can do kissing and other stuff and not have sex. 

Remember that everyone has different limits and your limit is what matters most. Don't let others cross that limit if you don't want them to. 

Make sure enough communication is going on between you and your partner or the person you're having sex with before and during sexual activity so that it's easy to give consent or to stop giving consent in a way that's comfortable, communication makes things more relaxed. It's easier to know that consent is being given when having enough communication as you'll be able to tell if they're relaxed and their body language should be more noticeable because that is a part of communication. 

Lex Croucher - What Is Consent? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2kS6Pdjjng

Charlie McDonnell - Sex & Consent

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GVfesRwvsQ

Laci Green - WANNA HAVE SEX? (CONSENT 101)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD2EooMhqRI 

Sorry it has been so long since my last blog post. 

Easy Guide To Being Healthier

Nothing is more important than being healthy because being healthier is key to living a happy, positive, fulfilled life. I have come up with a few easier tips into leading a healthier life without the horror of craving junk food. It is not easy cutting down on sugar and giving up your favourite treats however these tips are only small tips that you probably won't even notice. I hope they work for you and easy to stick to because if i can do it so can you. 

• If you have two sugars in your tea or coffee cut down to one. It might taste a lot different to start with and you probably won't feel satisfied, yet if you stick to doing this for a few days you will get used to the taste which means you will eventually feel satisfied with one sugar. Maybe you could then even cut down to no sugar at all. If you drink tea or coffee a lot with 2 or even 3 sugars you are going to be getting through a lot of sugar.
• Read the labels. You may think you are eating a really healthy snack such as a yoghurt despite this there is likely to be a high level of sugar in that yoghurt or breakfast bar. You do not know what you are putting into your body unless you check what is in the food you're eating. I'm not saying be conscious all the time just be aware that 'healthy' stacks are sometimes not as healthy as you think they are.
• When going grocery shopping if you have the time compare labels because you might find two products that are the same thing but one of them may have less artificial sugars or more naturally produced. It is a simple thing to do without feeling the affects of cutting down. 
• Do at least 10 minutes of exercise everyday whether that's taking a walk or dancing to your favourite songs, it has been proven that even 7 minutes of exercise will reduce stress, make you happier and healthier. There are so many benefits to doing exercise please don't see it as a chore. Exercise makes you appreciate your body and makes you motivated in every other aspect of you life. Exercise isn't just about being physically fit it benefits the mind as well. 
• Always eat your 5 a day, i  know this might sound cliché but it is a must. Always have fruit and veg in your diet because these are the food types you need to provide energy and nourishment in your body. Make sure you also have a variety of different fruit and veg in your diet ever day because then you know that you are getting enough vitamins and minerals in your body. 
• Drink enough water. Especially in the summer make sure you drink enough water so that you are constantly washing away anything bad in your body and keeping it hydrated throughout the day. Not drinking enough water can cause headaches, dizziness, dehydration, blotchy skin and heartburn. To keep feeling refreshed throughout your day make sure enough water is going into your system. 
• Get enough sleep every night. Sleep is essential to making sure your body can function every day. To feel totally energized and ready for the day you need at least 8 hours sleep however make sure you don't have too much sleep because your body will feel more tired when you are awake because it will get used to having so much sleep. No one wants to waste their life sleeping so make sure you get 8-10 hours sleep, no more no less. Without enough sleep your mind and body can't function properly because you will have no energy, you may find that your bones and joints will ache as well as your eyes. Not getting enough shut eye can be extremely dangerous and lead to serious illnesses or diseases. If you have trouble sleeping i will advice you to go see a doctor.
• Swap snacks for healthier options such as a chocolate bar to a cereal bar or even fruit, make sure you find something that will make you feel fuller for longer because there's nothing worse than having a craving for junk food. 
• Know when to stop binging. If you are like me once you start binging on junk food you can't stop no matter how full you are. Make sure you don't just gobble food down like me and recognise when your body is full and doesn't need any more sugar. 
• Take your time. If you are eating a treat or anything really take your time eating it and appreciate it, by doing this it will make you feel fuller than just gobbling it down. I know it might taste so good that you just want to eat it nevertheless by taking your time you can truly appreciate it. By doing this all the time it will encourage you to eat less. 

I hope this helps you on becoming healthier :)

Rape Culture

I know this is an extremely serious topic to do a blog post on however i believe that this issue doesn't get talked about enough. The fact that basic human rights are not evident, are not considered in rape culture to this very day angers me so much. Okay so i'm just going to get on with this post and have a complete rant on how this is not just sexist but discriminating, horrifying, degrading, judgemental and completely wrong in every way possible. 

Rape culture is when rape is normalised due to the fact the blame gets switched onto the victim, this is where you may have heard of sayings such as "what does she expect walking alone at this time?" or "she asked for it" people may think this is the case because of what she was wearing at the time, if she gave any impression that she liked the rapist. Never does it occur to these narrow minded, sexist, completely uneducated people that it was the rapists fault that he must have been sick in the head to do such an abusive thing to a woman who had no idea what was going to happen to her. Do these judges, professional judges that have done god knows how much studying to be a judge actually believe that the victims of such a horrific crime asked for it? Do they honestly think that if the power was in the victim's hands that they would let this happen and have to suffer with the consequences for the rest of their lives? Lets take another crime for example shooting someone. Would you blame the person being shot because the shooter assumed he was wearing a bulletproof vest? No because that is completely irrational and irrelevant just like blaming a victim of rape because of what they were wearing. It baffles me that people, judges anyone would even consider it being the victims fault in anyway whatsoever. Women should feel free to wear whatever they want at what time they want, wherever they are and not feel the need to carry pepper spray or feel anxious if they see a group of men or even one man walking towards them or behind, they should not have to look around and be on guard. The reason women feel they need to do these things is because men get away with it, men get away with rape which will encourage more rape because the blame is switched even before each side's stories are told. 

The objectification of women's bodies in rape culture, media and pop culture gives the impression to men that women don't have feelings, that women aren't even human beings and are treated worse than animals due to the fact some men only want them for their bodies and their bodily functions. Basically comparing them to sex toys. Regardless of all this mistreatment towards women, women go through more pain, more struggle to get to where they want to go. People need to understand that women have ambition, hidden strength and feelings just as men do, yes we maybe a different gender but we have the same needs. In many music videos women are sexualised wearing next to nothing, containing provoking and sexual behaviour/gestures whereas men are fully clothed, seen as the dominating person and wearing formal clothes to show them as higher up to women. The outrageous behaviour in music videos like these are that when younger teenagers are watching this they're going to think that it's normal for women to act like that and guys are going to think it's normal to always play the dominant role to his future girlfriend and that they should be seen as higher up and not equal. 

A shocking statistic showed that 70% of rape victims knew the rapist before the incident which totally shows that what someone is wearing or their behaviour towards the abuser has 0% impact on whether someone will be sexually abused. This fact is utterly scary because the victim and the rapist could already be in a relationship or be living together which means the chances are it has happened more than once. This also proves that rape isn't just something that happens at night while someone is intoxicated walking home alone from a night out it can happen anywhere whether that's in a working environment, at home, in any public building or public area. 

1 in 5 women have experienced some form of sexual abuse (since the age of 16). So basically in an average class room 2 or 3 girls will be sexually abused, this is a truly distressing amount of women. Women have enough to deal with without the concept of constantly thinking in the back of their minds that it might be them or feeling scared if a man simply pays them a compliment because why would a man pay a woman a compliment without wanting something. The fact things have got so bad women, girls are afraid to walk alone in their own neighbourhood because of this concept. 

I do not want to go on about this too long but if you are interested in reading more about this topic i will link you with a website with more statistics. I know it is highly unlikely that rape culture will ever die down but i have come up with a few ways we can decrease it and make things more positive. 

Respect the fact that women have the same needs as men and that we are not sexual objects and never should be made to feel that way. Women have died fighting for equal rights to men so we should not let those respectful women down and follow their footsteps into making sure women's rights are heard, loud and clear. Women should feel free to talk about their sexual activity and not be ridiculed for it because everyone has the same needs. Make sure that men are not always seen as the dominant character whether that's in relationships, work, pop culture and in the media. 

Make sure that if you hear someone say a sexist or degrading joke towards women or rape let them know that that kind of language is not acceptable. If you're a female say you don't feel comfortable with them talking in that manner, you don't have to be aggressive about it just let them know politely, most of the time that has more affect then shouting down someone's throat. 

If someone ever tells you they've been raped whether that's a stranger or someone you know make sure you take them very seriously. Make sure you assure them if they are in doubt that it was the rapists fault and you will support them no matter what.

Always communicate with your partner make sure they know if you don't feel comfortable with anything or if they are mistreating you in any way. They might not realise so always be honest and communicate about it. Make sure you always have consent when in a sexual relationship and both people trust each other.  

When reading magazines or watching/reading any type of media that you think critically about the messages being conveyed about men and women such as in music videos, songs, magazine articles. From a personal one i read the other day it was about Heidi Klum who saved her son and Nanny from downing. All the media cared about was the fact she had a nip slip and what a 'humiliation' it must have been not about how amazingly strong this women is to save not just one person but two from drowning while making sure she doesn't drown herself. Heidi was a strong hero and the media only care about her appearance. Plus make sure you don't believe everything you read and always think critically such as the roles they are portraying to men and women and how you can prevent this from being the norm and happening in everyday life. 

Finally just generally be respectful to others, if someone doesn't like being hugged don't hug them, if someone doesn't like any type of physical contact don't touch them remember to respect people's personal space because everyone is different, no two people are the same.

I know this has been a really long post but its one i've been wanting to go since i started blogging, so please be respectful and don't leave sexist or degrading comments in reply because i don't want to waste my time reading that crap. Thank you for reading i really do appreciate it especially for this post :) 

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/Statistics2.php 

Summer Is Coming

Today has been such a good day hanging out with my best friend in the sun, enjoying the sun with an ice cold drink while recovering from a hangover. It's very uplifting that the rain has gone and summer is coming. Good things about summer is it encourages you to eat healthier because you don't want something heavy and dense on a summers day such as a full English or chocolate cake, you want things that are refreshing and light such as salads, fruit and ice cold smoothies. The summer also makes you drink more water because you're sweaty and need hydrating which also adds to being healthier.

Having really crappy weather recently with all the rain, flooding and windy cold days makes us appreciate summer even more because we are not used to hot days on a regular basis. English weather is so unpredictable that you could get all the different types of weather conditions in one day. Having to wear layer on top of layer in the winter months makes it feel so good to be able to wear shorts, skirts, dresses without leggings or tights and crop tops without freezing your butt off although that does come with one downfall and that is the nightmare of having to shave your legs constantly which has to be one of the biggest chores for a girl, thank god i don't have long legs.

If you are inside on the internet just take an hour or even half an hour to go outside and really appreciate this sunny weather because you never know it might not last long and i assure you it will brighten up your day, quite literally.

When it's sunny in Britain it makes you feel like you're not missing out if you wanted to go abroad on holiday and maybe you couldn't afford it or couldn't book the right time off work because weather is a massive factor tourists look for when travelling to another country. You never know you might have wanted to go to Spain but it could be raining there and really sunny here. Make sure you plan trips out while we still have the sun this summer because having the sun makes it that much better especially if you're going to the zoo, visiting attractions or going to a theme park etc.

I hope you enjoy this sun and get your tans all topped up this summer, sorry it has been so long since my last post, been so busy. Hope you enjoyed reading it :)